Firstly, I am lucky to born in 1977 and secondly, I am luckier that I am alive and witnessing the change in technology. Well, as a kid, I was interested in something called black and white TV that showed annoying letters with funny fonts. They called it computer. The CPU was more used as a platform to give the monitor height and the floppies were more to play with its tape inside.
Anyway, the disks came with better play (I always locked it by pulling a little notch from left to right) and the noise of running the disk was noticeably reduced, which I never liked. Then came PCs with sexy cabinets and a slot for CDs and DVDs. The round disk always amazed me with its multiple colors when tilted though it always looked one color from the top.
Today, the babies who I witnessed growing have become adults and many of them have babies in their homes. On the technology side, the size, shape and texture has changed. I am still confused whether nano is better or macro. Computers are getting smaller and phones are getting bigger! Computer is more than calculating and phone is more than a communicating device. Grrrr… whatever, one thing that pisses me off is something called smartphone. What makes me intrigued is the owners with these lil’ devil gadgets deport differently, notice this and tell me. Don’t trust me? Okay, let me narrate…
Smartphone –but where is smartness?
I have met plenty of people who use phones as phones! Yeah! They say –it is for communication and I use $50 phone because I hear the voice clearly. I really scratch my head and think is smartness needed in device or the user? My cousin has $1200 phone and is busy showing his smartness by playing MMORPG! Once, I saw him at sea and asked for the reason thinking that he must have a bad paper in his exam. The reason was even upsetting –he could not beat his friend on some online game that is shared among his group!
Most of the smartphones are used by the youngsters.Now, most of the youngsters use smartphones to update their status JIT! I mean if this is what smartness is, I’m dumbo!
Well, I receive a lot of mails with a signature ‘sent from iPhone’, ‘sent from BlackBerry’ and so on. But trust me, none of them tickled my fancy ever. In fact, I saw my colleagues answering mails from their smartphones though they were just in front of their PCs. I asked for the reason and they said their asses are high!
On my phone, I get calls and just calls. For reading and replying mails, I use desktops. And trust me, no mail is urgent to reply in odd hours where you do not have access to your PC.
The pattern of using smartphone: unlock –>swipe apps–>open inbox–>close inbox–>lock!
Yeah! I have observed this pattern. Even in meetings and eateries, do observe the arbitrariness of the smartphone holder. This is what they do:-
Step #1: Every third minute, peeping into the smartphone
Step #2: Unlocking it
Step #3: Swiping the applications from left to right
Step #4: Swiping the applications from right to left
Step #5: In between, opening an inbox
Step #6: Confirming that there is no new mail (though browsed the same a while ago)
Step #7: Coming out of their inbox
Step #8: Repeating either step 3 or 4
Step #9: Locking the phone
Step #10: Start from step 1
Okay, try this on anyone’s smartphone –out of 100s of applications how many apps are of entertainment? By entertainment, I mean apps for games, movies, music, social sites (Facebook, the giant spoiler) and so on? Try this further –how many times the smartphone is actually used for smart work?
I do not say that I carry a cumbersome piece of machinery all time and reply from my desktop but yes, when I go to restaurant, I just go for eating! The reason is simple –I am aware that I have come with someone (my friend) and not with something (smartphone).
There comes bombastic iSeries!
There comes bombastic iSeries!
Yeah! I read it somewhere: iPhone 5. Because you have more money than sense! Another good one was –How do you tell if someone has the new iPhone 5? Ans: Do not worry, they will let you know! LMAO. The half-eaten Apple devices are used more to be different from the people with common sense. And yes, they did so. After all, they have a close button on the left side!
One of my friends who used a normal phone (then he was very smart!) used to keep his phone into his pocket wherever he went. He joined a good company, where he got some paleoanthropological knowledge that if he wanted to become an executive he had to use an iSeries device. He then got an iPhone with a screen that was brighter than his future.
From that day onward, he just extended his scientific name from homo sapiens to homo sapiens sapiens! Now, he does not put his gizmo in his pocket. It is always in his hand and the whole world knows the device’s brand! And yes, what best use he could found with this device is updating his location, sharing his pics JIT and chatting with his gfs.
A few days back, he met me in a downtown. He was riding his bike with helmet on. He saw me walking on a footpath and stopped.
“Hey, what’s up man?”
“Ah, Jack (ass!). I’m doing good. Tell me how’s world treating you?”
“Oh Yeah! The life is sexy buddy. I am rocking with a six figure salary”
“Whoa! Good to see that Jack. Nice bike by the way”
“Ah, that’s pretty old. See this sexy chick –my latest iPhone 5. It has excellent features. You know it has…”
“…Ah, you know I’m not a techno savvy”
“Gosh! Come out of 80s man. Adapt new technology. I mean how can you survive without an iPhone?”
“Well, I have more sense than money…”
“Ha, ha, ha. But it is not so. Even I do believe in applying brains at times. I follow ethics, I practice fair and do transparent business deals. I follow all rules you see! I never talk on phone while riding bike. See this –I even wear helmet”
“But then you listen to the music on iPhone all time while riding! Talking on phone may last a minute or two whereas Elvis Parsley will never stop singing unless you stop him on your iPhone!”
“Ah, that’s a different story, you fuddy-duddy. Tell me what if you want to update your status just now?”
“Well, I’m settled. Everybody knows this. I don’t need to update it every minute”
“Grrrhh…I mean tell the world through iPhone that you liked Oblivion…Tom Cruise looks stunning”
“He’s stunning anyway”
“You muttonhead!!! Don’t you see how quick we can upload our photos through iPhone and start getting ‘LIKES’?’
“Yes, but that’s the feature of Facebook”
“Christ! The difference is through my iPhone it’s JIT, you sucker!”
“Strange, when I upload photos from desktop after going home, the location remains the same. Even strange, I remain I”
“I’m gonna kill you! Smart people use smart phones. PERIOD”
“Ah, there you are! You win!”
“Yess…now tell me what’s your plan on this weekend?”
“Nothing chap. Busy with some office work. And you?”
“We are gonna rock the party. My friends and I are meeting in a discotheque and will enjoy the whole night”
“Wow. You guys are blessed. But then won’t you have a hangover on Monday?”
“I always have!”
“But then you reach office late. What if boss notices that and calls you in his chamber?”
“Ah! It never happens! We always communicate through iPhones and seldom meet in-person, see, you dumbo –the use of smartphone”
I started scratching my head…there is pause for a minute
“Thinking of smartphone, huh?” Jack asked inquisitively.
“Nah! I was thinking… what if he first shares you with the photo of night-out party uploaded at 5 am publicly by your friend and then calls you?”
“But how would he know that?”
“He might have set ‘notification’ on tags of yours so anywhere anytime if you are tagged on anything, he’ll know everything! You know smartest technology used by smarter people to catch smart people?”
“F### you!”and he drew away!